I have probably shared some of this before, but God is bringing some very real closure to a season that has felt like it lasted a lifetime.
I remember one morning, early in 2019, looking out across the valley from my porch. I had been praying for God to move in a big way at CMA, but felt my prayers were going to deaf ears. However, as I looked across, I observed that for the first time in months, what once was brown and dead, was turning to a rich shade of green. In addition, the mango tree in front of our house was producing mangos for the first time since we had moved to CMA. That mango tree faithfully dropped its fruit in excess all summer. I heard God whisper that He was going to bring fruit. I sat encouraged, expectant at what was to come. It was nothing like I had hoped.
8 months later… the summer program wrapped up. I said goodbye to many ministry partners here. I heard murmurs around me incessantly. From people within the ministry, from people outside. My personal losses were heavy. I prayed for new staff, but my heart wasn’t ready to welcome them. I prayed for new students, but I didn’t want to engage them. I prayed for the ministry, but I couldn’t see God really answering. God was doing things, sure, but I was disappointed. I wrote blogs that sounded positive. I wrote newsletters with all the highs, and whispers of the lows… Lows so deep that I didn’t know how to verbalize them. Highs that existed, but I was blind to the beauty. I found myself in a place where I was walking a line between all the joys of new believers (almost our entire girls house, with so many more asking questions) and complete despair (why did it have to be SO HARD).
So I went to the mat with the Lord. I began to really pray for Him to show me what He was doing. I needed to see fruit! I needed to lay eyes on something tangible. I prayed for unity. I prayed for joy that was unexplainable in our staff. I prayed for those who had left heavy to find joy again. I prayed for the students by name, and with more ferver. I prayed for my husband to seek the Lord, and lead with peace and confidence. Through that wrestling, I learned how to really pray. To pray like God is actually answering. I have also noticed some things about myself. My back is stronger. My knees are steady. My heart is pumping, my lungs are burning– I’m alive. I’m fighting, dare I say a GOOD fight. My eyes are open. The same voices that used to me cause me to hide, and turn inward, are pushing me forward. Negativity doesn’t impact my confidence, because it isn’t set on MY success anymore. It is set on a faithful God, who can produce avocados on barren trees.
A few weeks ago, I noticed an avocado tree that has never produced fruit, covered in baby avocados. And I was reminded. Reminded of that hope and expectation, and reminded of my faith, no bigger than a mustard seed at the beginning of 2019. The growth in my heart is the fruit. The growth in my man as a leader in the fruit. A group of staff who are learning to pray are the fruit. I have seen massive answers to prayer.
My kids are growing in their faith, knowledge, and physical stature. Fruit.
My husband is growing in His faith and leading out of an overflow of how He is being led. Fruit.
The students are searching and finding answers. Fruit.
We have three bilingual staff who are working with the students, bringing in a new mix of culture for our students. Fruit.
We hired a chaplain who was handpicked for CMA by the Lord– he is a Dominican man, educated in the United States, and uniquely qualified to minister to ALL of the staff at CMA. He has already attended a funeral, and spends time talking with a part of the staff body that was never ministered to well. FRUIT.
We have a new family who know how to pray, and are quietly encouraging and praying this campus through a war. Fruit.
We were selected to receive a HUGE fundraising grant with a major radio network in Fort Wayne. Fruit.
Through the staff losses, he is bringing in new leaders. Flexing their muscles in new ways. Our new lead counselor is uniquely qualified, and I am SO excited to watch him make it his own. Fruit.
I have felt hopeless about the United States, a continual cultural shift has discouraged me. Then you see things like Kanye West proclaiming Jesus, and I see an avocado… fruit.
I prayed for three different situations where physical healing needed to happen… and God answered. He answered! Fruit.
In the individual lives of our staff, God is stretching and growing, and revealing in ways I have not seen Him work before. Fruit.
There is fruit everywhere. It took an avocado tree to prompt me to look with fresh eyes.
How about you?
What would it take for you to look for fruit?
Where do your eyes need redirecting?
What joys are you missing in your grumbling?
Walking on Waves 